My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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