Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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