It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
