Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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