The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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