If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize