there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
