She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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