the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
