what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
