Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
