Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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