Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
