I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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