you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
