I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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