I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
