my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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