youre lurking in front of me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
