Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
