How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
