I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
