After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
