May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
