i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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