happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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