also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
