Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
