You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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