I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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