There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
