Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
