Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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