My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
