she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
