If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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