My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
