you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
