Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
