She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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