overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i think my cat just said my name.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize