i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
