I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
