I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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