god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize