Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Less talking, more tequila
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
