Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
