I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
