I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
