i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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