I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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