Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
