I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize