Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize