I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize