John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
