you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your cock deserves a montage
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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