dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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