If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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