I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
worst night to have a conscience
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
