Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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