we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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