My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
