I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
