I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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