you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
