put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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