Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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