Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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