i jhust puked up my retainher.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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