i don't like sucking hair
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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