My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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