we have officially lost it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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