Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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